My wife, Denise Grover, died on March30th, her 40th birthday in a rehab facility for physical therapy and wound care after more than a month in the hospital. I took her to the ER 3 days after my birthday for a fever and she never came home again. She left behind 2 biological daughters who are 15 and 14 and 2 foster children, a boy and a girl ages 15 and 16 who we were planning to adopt.
I don't know how to live without her. I am going through all the motions. I am proceeding with the adoptions. I am taking care of the kids. I am doing everything life requires but there is no life in me. Everything good in me was because of her. I love her with all my heart and being without her is ripping me to pieces.
The kids need you to be their pillar and the strength that keeps them moving in the right direction. Look to faith and seek your minister or a friend's minister if you are not a member of a church. They are very experienced with these situations and can offer all kinds of help and consulting. In the south the church members bring food and do all kinds of things to help families when a tragic event happens like this. I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy and I am praying for you.
Sean Taylor: It's not difficult to separate it, ... When I'm here, I'm not worried about anything other than what's going on the field.
Post by MikeLowery on Apr 25, 2018 18:25:11 GMT -5
Reaper, so sorry for your loss man. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. Praying for you and you four children.
In civilian confrontations with cops, only one person has been professionally trained. Whether dealing with criminals, folks with tempers, or the mentally ill, shouldn't the trained officer be held to a higher standard of "I feared for my life?" If not, what's the point of them having to complete a training to walk around with a firearm?
I am so very sorry to hear of this tragedy, brother. There are really no words to suffice your loss, but know that she is still with you in love and spirit and smiling down on all the dumb stuff you are still doing. (I'm sure she will always approve.)
We have known each other for many years, on the board and off, so please know that your wife and family and you are in my Prayers.
God Bless your wife and Godspeed in your grief. Be strong for your kids and try and find Peace in the pain for the good of all, including you.
One writes out of one thing only—one’s own experience. Everything depends on how relentlessly one forces from this experience the last drop, sweet or bitter, it can possibly give. This is the only real concern of the artist, to recreate out of the disorder of life that order which is art. - James Baldwin
Brother my heart is out there for you. Sending as many positive and healing vibes your way as possible.
Accept the love and help of others. It's not charity; its the true soul of what human nature really is. Even though this world seems so screwed up at times there is way more good than bad in it and people want to be there for others when they need it. Allow others to help you.
Love the kids and be real with them; strong but real.
Sometimes things happen we can't explain and sometimes they really suck. That's real, I can only imagine your pain and sorrow and in no way will I try to sugar coat it but I'd ask you to please find the strength and the determination to work through it and to live the greatest life you can with as much joy as you can. Learn to have no guilt in that as I'm sure that's exactly what Denise would want for you.
If you ever need it reach out. I, and others I am sure, will be there for you.
So sorry for your loss. I had a good friend who suddenly lost his wife at about your wife’s age. He had 3 kids as early teenagers and was lost without his wife as to the day to day. He drank hard for about 2 months, don’t do that, then got it together. The key was family and professional help. You can’t expect to foster the grief of you as one who lost his love and 4 children who lost their mother. Call in her parents, your parents, and professionals. Mostly, don’t do anything rash. The key is handling the day to day for your family. My friend moved in her parents and his parents in monthly shifts, it worked to get through the day to day while he didn’t shoulder the whole load for the grief of the kids.
But at least one of the kids will act out, that’s why you need professional counselling for them now before the sheet hits the fan. Spend every penny of your insurance coverage and then decide who needs it most.
My friend and his kids turned out okay. But it took two years and a move of east coast to west coast. I feel for you ‘bro, glad you posted.
Alex Smith had 6 OCs in his first 6 years at San Fran, then 3 in 5 years at KC. Now he has to pick up Jay Gruden’s scheme. Think he can handle it.
...Reaper you will make it and that is the reality you hold on to... try with all of your might to smile and laugh thinking about her when you just want to cry...I lost my Mom, Dad and Sister in a period of just a little over a year and a half and I couldn't believe what was happening...I know the feeling of a world caving in but you will make it through...
... you have your kids and I'm glad you're going through with the adoptions...that will give you purpose and more reason to enjoy life like I'm sure your lovely wife would have wanted you to... we're here as well to always cheer you up...I didn't take counseling but sometimes regret it but I'm so damn proud but that's a poor reasoning as I found out... hang in there man!...
Post by BigRedSnapper on Apr 25, 2018 21:46:11 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this, Reaper. It's very hard to think this way, but the most important person for you to take care of right now is yourself. You can't be expected to be able to do what you feel you need to do for everyone else if you are not right yourself. Sending positive thoughts your way.
As others have mentioned Reaper... reach out... communicate.
Tears, mourning, sadness, despair and even rage are all part and parcel of the emotional cauldron you're in. If the religion aspect is not your thing, I'm sure that your hospital can put you in touch with grief counselors and even recovery groups that can at least walk a bit of the way in your shoes. Don't be afraid to lean on your kids and encourage them to lean back. Also, depending upon circumstances, friends and family just to have some touchstones of normalcy to keep you grounded.
You lost your best friend, no one is going to fault you having to grieve her loss.
My family's prayers and thoughts are with you and yours, Reaper. My sincerest condolences.
Some sound advice on the thread, even though you have probably heard it before. But nothing really will make what you are going through easier to comprehend. Lean on close friends and clergy/the church (if you are so affiliated). Let them offer hope, strength, guidance and encouragement.
But most importantly be strong for your children. Remember they have lost as well. They are your family. Grieve and remember together, and collectively move forward with your lives.
“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.- Don Corleone” ― Mario Puzo, The Godfather
I am sorry for your loss. My mom died almost 2 years ago. I was her caregiver for many years. This is the first time I lived alone. I was on auto pilot the first week or Two. I would echo the advice of finding someone you can talk to.. My church has a grief share group that meets weekly. Perhaps a church near you may have something similar. Just remember you don't have to know all the answers yet about things.
Last Edit: Apr 26, 2018 2:49:22 GMT -5 by Gallen5862
So sorry to hear this news Reap, my condolences to and prayers are with you and your family.
Remember Denise will always be with you, just put your hand on your chest area and she's there.
No one who has not lost a life partner can begin to understand how you feel, but remember this cobber, if you know not what to do, listen to your heart because Denise is right there. You will know what to do because your soul mate will guide you.
I cannot add much to what has already been said. Just remember....we are here for you. You don't have to heal on your own. You can always PM me if you need someone to talk to on a more personal level, or find a support group or church to talk to someone in person.
My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Post by skinsfanvmi79 on Apr 26, 2018 4:34:32 GMT -5
I am so so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking. I have already sent prayers that people close to you and your family will surround you with love and support. Take one day at a time, possibly one minute at a time as you grieve. Be strong for your children make them your mission and focus.